Hi everyone!
First and foremost; I hope that everyone who is reading this blog right now is healthy and safe, as well as their loved ones.
A lot of people who will read this will be in The Netherlands, but I also know a lot of people who are not in their home country right now. All of us are facing the same stress: to be away from your family during a pandemic. This blog is not about politics (well, maybe a little), and not about how I think people should feel. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings. It is simply a way for me to share my thoughts and feelings, hoping that for the people out there who feel the same, it will be somewhat reassuring. And one thing is now more true then ever: We are all going through this together.
“I think it’s safe to say to everyone is feeling a little lost these days. As a millennial, I grew up experiencing how small the world can be – what is a 10-hour flight right? But right now, it feels bigger than ever.”
My situation
I am currently in Portland, Oregon, USA. Here on the West Coast, things are not nearly as bad as they are on the East Coast. You may or may not have seen it in the news, but the US is failing in every possible way trying to control this pandemic. There is no ”lockdown” for the USA, there are only lockdowns for specific States. With flights from outside the US blocked, domestic flights are still going. In a city as big and rushed as New York, it took forever to get people to practice social distancing, or even to quarantine them (as in: tell them not to go outside). Restaurants and bars were still open weeks after the first cases of Covid-19 popped up in New York City. Meanwhile, the President himself does not seem to take this seriously, and keeps sending mixed messages to the American people. With a political system that was already (at least in my opinion) on the verge of collapsing, the people do not know who to trust anymore. Looking at the situation in The Netherlands, where the Prime Minister and Royal Family face this crisis head on, trusting on science, naming the facts, keeping people in the loop, and putting themselves in vulnerable positions in order to create that mutual trust between them and the people .. I have to say that I am somewhat proud to be Dutch. Are we doing everything right? Who knows. I sure don’t, so who am I to judge? What I see is that people who are supposed to take care of the nation do so, and that should earn them respect, because that is not an easy job.
My thoughts and feelings
Enough politics, at least for now. Let’s just say that it makes me rethink my move to the US. Sam and I knew that this would be the easiest (and still really hard) way for us to be together, which is why we choose to live here.
I think it’s safe to say to everyone is feeling a little lost these days. As a millennial, I grew up experiencing how small the world can be – what is a 10-hour flight right? But right now, it feels bigger than ever. I knew I was not allowed to leave the US until I had my probation approved, but I also knew that there were still flights going back and forth, and because of that I still had the option to fly back. Now that countries are on lockdown and it is not possible to fly anymore, that physical distance kind of changed into a mental one.
I see how everyone tries to cope in different ways. Some like to think of this time as a learning experience and really believe they are going to get out of this stronger. Personally, I don’t think we should add unnecessary pressure on people by saying things like ”if you don’t do these things now, not having the time was just an excuse and you lack self-discipline.” Well, so what if you lack self-discipline, who doesn’t every now and then?
Some days I wake up on the right side of the bed. I feel energetic, see the good in this quarantine situation, can name plenty of things I am grateful for, and am off to a great start of the day. I work out, journal, study, do the household, cook delicious meals, all the good stuff!
However, there are also days where I wake up and instantly feel anxious, or even depressed. The first thought that crosses my mind that day is ”reality kind of sucks right now!”. It leaves me feeling demotivated, I’ll have a hard time getting out of bed, and it just puts me in this negative mindset. I hate these setbacks, but they are part of life. You are simply not always feeling positive, not always happy, not always energetic.
This quarantine, however big or small it may feel to each and every one of you, has an influence on how we feel. Our lives have changed – the world has changed. This is a major thing we are going through right now, and I know that even the toughest, most stable people, will eventually notice the effects of this new reality.
Mental health is now more important then ever. There are a lot of people who feel lonely, and trust me, it’s not just the old or single people; It can be parents who are quarantined with their kids, it can be students who still live in a dorm with other students, it can be newlyweds (hey, hello, that’s me!).
For us, this situation is kind of ironic. We went through 2 years of on and off long-distance/living together, had to go through a lot of legal shit and immigration stress and struggled to be together. Now however, we are newlyweds in quarantine!
First of all, we are so so lucky and really count our blessings, that we were able to get married (with family and friends flying over!) and enjoy our honeymoon in Hawaii, before this whole quarantine situation happened. If this timeline had shifted just a month, Sam would not be my husband right now, and I might not even be with him right now.
My heart goes out to the people who can’t go through with their wedding or have to do it without their loved ones by their side, to the couples who are quarantined in different countries and can’t be together for a stressfully long period of time, for the exchange students that had to give up their new lives in another country. I have been through all these things, taking it all for granted, but this quarantine makes you think twice about what kind of privilege you’ve had to be able to do these things.
Now we are here – just married, and stuck with each other 24/7. I remember wishing for this moment to come and even dreaming about it. I consider myself very lucky. However, this is a very unusual situation. Is it healthy for a couple to be together all the time (in a 40m2 studio)? I don’t think so. I love our small studio and I love my hubbie, but it can be challenging! I felt guilty (and still do sometimes) for wanting alone time, and for feeling lonely while being quarantined with him. This pandemic makes us feel all sorts of things and I am learning to embrace it all. It’s okay to feel anxious, to be stressed, to feel lonely, to feel unstable and vulnerable. A couple of my friends reported ”feeling things they’ve never felt before”. We have not been in a situation like this before, like ever. So we should cut ourselves some slack and not put all this pressure on ourselves to function a hundred percent all the time.
If you are reading this, let me tell you I am proud of you for just hanging in there. I am proud of the people who try and make the most of it. But I am just as proud of the people who are just making it through the day – and so should you!
A big shoutout to all the people who are still going to work, or have to work from home with screaming kids around them. A huge thank you to the people who are wrecking their brain around this virus to work on vaccines and treatments. A warm and loving virtual hug to each and every one of you! Please be kind to yourself and to others. Together we will make it through.